Attack Bad Habits Like Robin Williams
The Idea:
“Don’t passively resist a bad habit. Instead, aggressively attack it by doing the opposite.”
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Why It Matters:
Some people in the Habit Cleansing camp find it difficult to avoid bad habits when the urge, or cue, calls for it. Next time, try to do the exaggeratedly opposite action. This way, you are not only avoiding the bad habit but also actively developing a better one.
Case In Point:
I’m doing the no-yelling challenge for February’s Habit Cleansing Camp. When I feel the urge to raise my voice, I do the exact opposite. I either lower my voice and whisper, or turn into the calm, tender dad.
Story Behind (2.1 mins read):
When I first decided to make Habit Cleansing part of the Sisyphi Camp, I thought about avoiding scrolling with my phone in bed. I needed this camp badly. I have scrolled in bed so much that I deformed my memory foam mattress. Steve Jobs asked us to “put a dent in the universe.” Well, he built a smartphone that made me dent my bed. Well done!
Then, Stacia, a camper, mentioned she wanted to do the No Yelling challenge to cleanse her habit of yelling at her kids. I liked the idea so much that I scratched my original plan and adopted hers. (I’ve never adopted kids, but I’ve adopted many ideas over the years. And sometimes my kids make me want to put them up for adoption myself... kidding). So here I am, trying not to raise my voice to anyone in my household for a month.
It hasn’t been easy at all! I have a ten-year-old and a seven-year-old. Any slight disagreement between them would turn into a conflagration of noise. When that happens, my blood pressure rises, and the emotional cue causes me to raise my voice to quell theirs. It’s like the scene in a movie where a bunch of people are having a good old bar-fight in a western saloon, with chairs flying and bodies slammed across poker tables. Finally, the sheriff comes in and shoots his gun in the air, and everyone stops their nonsense instantly. That was what I was going for.
But in reality, the opposite usually happens. When I “shoot the gun” by shouting, it instantly elevates a bar-fight into a gun-fight. Everyone started shouting louder just to be heard. If you drive by a random neighborhood in Northern California and hear the house with crying/yelling boys, there is a 1.7% chance you’ve seen my house.
So with this no-yelling challenge, it’s been tough. When my blood pressure rises, breaking the habit and changing my automatic reaction becomes tough.
Until I tried this technique:
To avoid shouting, instead of attempting to be quiet and talk normal, I started acting like a completely different person. It’s like getting into characters for an actor. I have two different characters to get into, depending on my mood:
1. The Whisperer - I learned this from the legendary football coach Tony Dungy, who wrote in his book that he never yells at his team. When he gets angry, he whispers. OK, the Whisperer is insanely effective and almost scary. When my kids engage in shouting matches, I would respond by lowering my voice and speaking very slowly. The sudden temperature change brings an instant chill to everyone. They would automatically quiet down, trying to hear every word I say, and mirroring my gesture.
2. The Ultra Tender Dad - When I am in a good mood, I put on the Ultra Tender Dad suit. To end their decibel war, I smile, soften my eyes, and put my hands on their shoulders, telling them, “it’s OK. Your brother loves you. I love you.” You know, when Robin Williams repeatedly told Matt Damon, “it’s not your fault” at the end of Good Will Hunting, and made him cry on his shoulders. That’s me, the Ultra Tender Dad at work.
So, the next time you feel like repeating a bad habit when the environment arises and calls for it, don’t just resist it, face red, like you are staggering your way to the bathroom while holding in your lunch enchilada. Instead, attack the habit by acting the opposite. Pick your favorite character to act in.
If you want to stop being so negative all the time, visualize yourself as a sunflower in Planet vs Zombie, giving out rays of sunshine all the time.
If you can't get out of bed to exercise, try putting on an imaginary Michael Phelps cape... or swimsuit.
If you do it enough, you will become these characters.
Things you can do:
Let me know what opposite action you want to take with your habit to avoid
Come up with a character to act in